Read this...nice jokes!!!!!!!!!!

Bad car day

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because
he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety
competitition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" the officer asked.

The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my
license."

At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed
in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's
drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop,
blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk, and a voice
asked, "Are we over the border yet?"
Dormitory rules

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-
bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the
first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the
second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a
hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquired, "How much for a season
pass?"



Bad car day

A police officer pulled over a driver and informed him that because
he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a safety
competitition.

"What are you going to do with the money?" the officer asked.

The man responded, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my
license."

At that moment, his wife, who was seated next to him, chimed
in, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's
drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat, who, when he saw the cop,
blurted out, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk, and a voice
asked, "Are we over the border yet?"



CHEERIOS

A five year old and a four year old are upstairs in their
bedroom. "You know what?" says the five year old, "I think it's about
time we start swearing." The four year old nods his head in approval.
The 5 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm
gonna say "hell," and you say "ass," okay?" The four year old agrees
with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the five year old what he
wants for breakfast. "Aw hell Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.".
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor,
gets up, and runs upstairs bawling.

The mom looks at the four year old and asks with a stern voice, "And
what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I'm not sure," he
says, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios."



Clever sardar for change

Once an American tourist in Punjab walked into a beautiful deserted
forest and found a lovely pool in it, and decided to go skinny-
dipping.
She looked around, didn't see anyone, and undressed and just as she
was about to dive in, Sunta Singh the gardner appeared from behind
the bushes where he was hiding all along and said, 'Madam! Swimming
not allowed!
''You could have told me that before I took off my clothes!', the
American woman scolded him.
Sunta Singh replied, 'Madam, only swimming not allowed, taking off
clothes allowed!